Expecting No Longer

In the book of Proverbs there is a verse which reads, “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick but when the desire cometh it is a tree of life.”

Every woman who desires children and finds out she is expecting one knows this feeling.  I dare say many dads have felt it , too.  It is a joy and a hope for the future that there will soon be a small one to hold in your arms.  

I have been with child 6 times and 3 weeks ago was the first time my hope was deferred.  The little one we were choosing names for had an “untimely birth”.  It was nothing like I had imagined a miscarriage would be.  I was only 9 weeks along.  Due to complications I ended up at the nearest hospital where I had the opportunity to see my child after it came.  

Soon after learning that there was a baby growing inside of me we had shared the news with my children.  I reminded them that some babies God allows us to hold in our arms and others the LORD takes to Heaven before we are able to hold them.  I had no idea what the future would hold.

The LORD Jesus has been so very good to me.  He has given me a peace which passeth all understanding. He astounds me with the 5 precious gifts he has given my husband and I in the past 10 years.  He has given me a wonderful husband and amazing parents and siblings.  I have also been blessed with a breathtaking network of supportive friends.  All of these blessings encourage my heart as I grieve the loss of my little one.  For even though time heals all wounds there will always be tears for the one I was not able to hold in my arms.


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